untangling the web

I’m here, comfortable, safe
surrounded by four cosy walls.
They’re good to me, like helpful neighbours.
I know them and they know me.

We’re contented here in our routine,
snug, relaxed and undisturbed.
The walls are my security when the rains come
lashing on the outside,
pummelling down, like fists in a rage,
smashing, pounding, beating, punishing,
but I am at peace within.
At least, I think I am.

But comes the day when the sun shines,
piercing the gloom of self-absorbed thoughts.
Almost too bright, too strong, too intense,
I shy away, seeking a womb to withdraw into.

But the light is stronger than the shadow,
the brightness overwhelms the murk,
the heat has an enticing quality,
and it calls me to leave my safety zone behind.

Just for a taster, not for ever.
Can I? Do I want to? What if I don’t?
What if I do?

Tentatively, I open a window
and put my head outside.
The warmth of the sun embraces me,
dazzling me, amazing me.

I’ve done it! No, I haven’t.
That was just a toe-in-the-water experience.
Maybe another day?

But the sun may not shine anymore
and the four walls may be my only company
for ever and ever, amen.

I take a deep breath and walk to the door.
I am not used to this; I feel panicky.
I feel sweaty and my mouth is dry.
But I am wooed and I want to respond. 

Stretching always hurts.